Triangles are my favorite shape.

I fancy most anything that is geometric, providing those elements of symmetry and balance I so appreciate in this world.   And those complementary angles, they really do it for me.  You know, they’re just, so nice.

One might think that any regular polygon would turn me on, but, I’m not that easy.

It got me thinking, why these three points?   I recently became consumed with the notion and searched deep within to uncover the triangle truth.

I quickly revealed that it wasn’t just the symmetrical shape that gives me such satisfaction (say that five times fast) but it was more about what the triangle symbolized.

Delta, represented by a triangle, is the fourth letter of the Greek alphabet > I was born in April > The fourth month of the year > Which makes me an Aries > Aries is a fire sign (don’t you know it) > The alchemical symbol for fire is an upward-pointing triangle.

And lastly, for the calculus nerd within, Delta, in mathematics, represents a difference in values, or, a change in > Revelation.

In my ever so thoughtful path towards triangle discovery, I revealed an even more present truth – change.

They say the only constant is change, right?  But have you ever really observed it?  Have you taken time out of your day to contemplate all the change in this world?

You know that feeling of noticing something and then coincidentally you start seeing it all the time; I’m really gaining quite a perspective.

One observance I have made is that you can put ‘change’ in two buckets; evolving and mindful; the former being a slow, gradual innate occurrence; the latter, a self-imposed decision to deviate from the norm.

We all evolve – that’s just science at play.  We grow. We learn. We adapt. We become. This all happens without a conscious effort.  As much as you want to avoid it, you will change.  The people around you will change.  The earth will change.  It’s fucking life, my friends.

Now what about that other bucket?  I call that guy effort.  It’s the change that occurs because you decided something needed to give.  The “Will you marry me?”, “I quit!”, “Let’s restructure our organization.”, and “I’m moving to Spain.” moments in life that will only happen if you make it happen.

If you were wondering which side of the spectrum I lean, I’m pro-change.

“Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.” – Frank Zappa

Another end of a year brings the beginning of a new one; the Earth, Sun and Stars standing by to give you a gentle pat on the back reminding you to take that moment and reflect on your life.

What do you want?  What is going to make you happy? – Really?  This is your opportunity to take the proverbial bull by the horns and rock it.

Make a change.

It’s your turn to remaster your world and produce your greatest piece.

I’m in the studio now.

Sometimes I think I suck at telling stories….or maybe I’m really good.  Nope.  Nope, it’s the former.

When I’m retelling a story, I tend to get excited and this creates an absence of direction in my summation.  I’m just recently coming to this newfound realization and have begun, if you’re lucky, to preface my recapping of events with a forewarning.  A do not enter unless you have a few minutes, if you will.

So who’s coming with me?  Bueller?  Wait, what the fuck?  Where did everybody go?

You see.  That’s what happens when you stray off-topic; you lose your audience.

That’s my problem right there: in trying to incorporate the minute, yet colorful details, I alienate the listener.

I want to be more direct.

Sharing some details is necessary if they are crucial to the story, but the eccentricities that are not can cause one to veer off topic.  There’s nothing worse than losing your train of thought…

Now where was I?  Ah, yes.  Storytelling.  It’s just not my strong suit.

I won’t bore you by any means.  I do have the gift of gab but if you want me to get from point A to B in one straight line, it probably isn’t going to happen.

I’m OK with that.  It’s something I’m working on.

There are many things I’m working on.

Perfect does not exist but better does.  I want to be a better me.  I want to be the best me.

I’m sure you are likely reading this wondering, ‘What is she talking about?  She is perfect.  A ten!  Couldn’t be any better.’  I really appreciate that and am humbled by your kind thoughts, but it’s true.  I’m an imperfect person living in an imperfect world just trying to make the best of an awkward situation.

The only way to improve is to do personal work.  I can only control myself.  Through my actions, I may impact the world for the better, but it starts with me.

There’s so much blame and finger pointing going on.  It’s bullshit.  Own it people.

Take responsibility for your life and the happenings within it.  You are in control more than you realize.

Instead of reacting as a victim, take a moment to look within and recognize your flaws.  Create awareness of the self.

‘Yes, I kind of suck at telling stories.  I know I’ve gotten off track and I understand why you are half-listening to me right now.’  Instead of, ‘How rude?!  I can’t believe you aren’t giving me your 100% undivided attention. Me me me me me.’

Don’t be a stubborn ass and think that you don’t have improvements to be made.  We all do.  The choice is yours.

We are all the same yet we are all so different.  You can’t change others but you can choose to better yourself by identifying and accepting your faults.

The difference between being insecure about your flaws and being empowered to work on them is acceptance.  The strength to work on them comes when you can begin to recognize them before someone else does.  Use this to then curb your old habits.

I’m working on it.

Now where was I?

Oh, yes.

The end.

You cannot change everything around you, but you can create a better world within yourself.

– Shubhanshu Tiwari

Well, it finally happened.  I’ve been dreading it ever since I decided to put my words out there for you to read.

I knew this wasn’t going to be easy but I never thought it would be this hard.

That’s what she said.

It’s not something I’m happy to admit but suppose it’s part of the process.  So here it is, folks:

I have…writer’s blog.

I’ve got 99 ideas but a blog post ain’t one.

Seriously, my laptop’s recycle bin doesn’t even want this crap.  The irony.

Now writing isn’t something I consider to be easily done; however, it is something I typically enjoy.  As they say, when you are doing work you love, it isn’t work.  Amen.

So trust that, albeit frustrated, I’m having a blast trying to figure out what the fuck to say.

Oh yeah, I’m just L.O.V.I.N. this creative clog.  If only I could phone a plumber.  Hi, can someone snake my brain?

My mind feels like a game of Pong; my thoughts bouncing back and forth.  One moment thinking I’ve struck gold with the direction I’m heading, then, I begin to doubt it and decide it’s shit.  A few minutes later, I’m right back at square one thinking I could make it work.

It’s exhausting not finding that magical head space where words just flow right through you.  I’m pouring precious words out but they just aren’t coming together organically.

Where is my focus?  Where is my mind?

Pressure playing a large part in this battle.  I’ve committed myself to this and must get something done.  The pressure you put on yourself is your worst enemy when you aren’t able to satisfy your creative depths.  It’s debilitating.

You can not force the creative process.  When you do, you likely will be creating a much crappier version of something your ‘right mind’ed self could produce.

It seems that I’m experiencing a glitch in my system.

So what’s a girl to do in a situation like this?

Call for reinforcements? Outsource? Lobotomy?

I’ll tell you what she’s going to do:

She is going to reclaim her creativity by first accepting that this is a temporary situation.  Her creative genius will return.  Stella will get her groove back.

Next, she is going to step away from the computer and refocus by placing her mind elsewhere.  Read a book, go for a run, play with the dog; do whatever it takes to calm her thoughts.

After her head is in a good space, one where she no longer feels forced,  she’s then ready to give it another go.  She is going to write. Write whatever is on her mind.

And look what she did.

Sucker.

Thanks for reading.

“Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously.” -Hunter S. Thompson

“Write.  Rewrite.  When not writing or rewriting, read.  I know of no shortcuts.” —Larry L. King, WD

Looking through some of my old writing today – oh, how I enjoy putting pen to paper.

My life is chronicled through an unorganized collection of notepads, journals, and scraps of paper all revealing little tidbits of my head space at that point in time.  I date my work; it makes for a much more interesting reread.

My writing consists of many different formats; stories, a series of questions, travel journals, poems, lists, doodles; really just whatever the hell I’m thinking or feeling at the moment comes out.  The underlying theme: they’re all just thoughts.

So why do I write?  It’s free fucking therapy.  What a better way to release your emotions and frustrations or introspect.

Having a bad day?  Dealing with a conundrum?  Boy problems?  Or are you feeling creative?  These are all excellent reasons for a jot down in the notebook or laptop – whatever blows your dress up.  The beauty of personal writing  is no one else will ever read it unless you’re foolish enough to start a blog or something.

I wanted to share with you a series I began a couple years ago.  When rereading these, they reflect a positive mindset at the time and continue to do so.  These are my ‘things that make me happy’ lists.  I pick a letter of the alphabet and make a list of things beginning with that letter, super simple; however, they yield an awesome amount of power.  As I write these, I can be found smiling.  As I reread them, I am reminded just how amazing life is.

I shared these happy things with my sister yesterday.  She shared with me a piece of my mother’s writing I had not known. REALLY?  We truly are our parent’s children.

 So, it’s my birthday tomorrow.  My wish, well, if I tell you, it won’t come true, so instead let me encourage you to take a moment, sit down, and write something…anything.

Write about your day.  Ask yourself some questions you’ve been pondering, then write those down.  Write a list of things that make you happy.

Revisit these pieces and feel free to rewrite them but most importantly reread them.  You’ll be amazed how powerful it is to look back at something you’ve created and see how much you’ve grown since then (or maybe you haven’t and you can do a little more reflecting).

So 86 the gifts, my friends.   This year for my birthday let’s:

Read. Write. Reread. Rewrite

It’s your life, right?